She Changed The World

Today I will do something Aimee Wallis Buchanan taught me to do, to use my words for healing instead of hatred.  Today through my tears and my grief I will remember a woman who embodied to me the Holy Spirit with her entire being.  

Throughout the day I have been amazed at the number of people who, through various social media outlets, have shared their love of Aimee and the entire Buchanan Family.  As my friend Katie Stetson expressed so simply and perfectly, "she changed the world."  This is no doubt true, as I speak from my own experience in saying that Aimee's presence in my life shifted my entire worldview in a matter of just a few encounters. 

The one word I keep coming back to when I think of my mentor, my friend, Aimee:  VIBRANT!  There are a lot of other adjectives bound up in that word such as witty, passionate, joyful, radiant.  I picture her eyes dancing with anticipation as she prepared to share... well anything... a story, a joke, a sermon, a witty zinger which she used to throw at us teenagers in youth group every now and then. When Aimee walked into a room I think it expanded, to encompass her spirit.  She would literally set the tone and temperature of the space she was in, always warm and inviting.  Her deep laughter would echo down corridors and hallways and settle in your soul.  Her heart was as big as her beloved state of Texas and I never doubted the sincerity with which she shared her love with me and with everyone she knew.  For fifteen years of my life she has rejoiced at all of my triumphs, listened and given counsel in all of my fears. 

 I can remember many times watching her walk determinedly in one direction, clearly on a mission, only to turn on a dime and walk with just as much vigor in the opposite direction, for a purpose just as important.  She was always busy living, busy parenting, busy creating, busy ministering. I suppose that it might be from Aimee that I learned that faith is about living.  Church is a verb, not a noun, your faith leads you to active verbs... being, doing, caring, loving, listening, welcoming. 

Aimee and Bill opened my eyes and my heart to my God given gifts at a very young age.  I say both Bill and Aimee because the two are always coupled in my mind, like Bob and Jo (Carson) or Peanut Butter and Jelly.  Knowing that Aimee studied English and loved creative writing and theater only made me look up to her more. The first time I saw her walk out on stage at Montreat and do a keynote I think my life shifted. I think, on some level, I knew I wanted to do that. I wanted to use creative expressions in worship.  I wanted to have an impact on someone else's life the way she and Bill and countless others in my new church family were having on me.   Aimee and Bill both showed me that my love of creative writing could be channeled into expressing my love for God.  They encouraged me to write skits and poems and prayers for worship.  

One of my brightest memories of Aimee is ten or twelve of us teens, gathered around her in the sanctuary at Bedford Pres, Elli no doubt toddling about somewhere in the background.  Before we got ready to practice any youth Sunday or Christmas Eve she would make us do these vocal exercises.  We would have to say things like "red leather, yellow leather" and "rubber baby buggy bumpers" over and over, faster and faster until we all exploded into a fit of laughter.  She also did this thing where we had to stretch our faces and make our eyes as wide as possible "big face" and then pinch our eyes and lips together, "little face".  "Big Face!"..."AHHHHH"  "Little Face"...."mewmewmewmew".  I have no doubt that she has used the techniques with hundreds of worship teams at conferences, youth groups, and Many Voices. 

The truth is that Aimee recognized that God was at work in my life, calling me to some form of ministry long before I ever did.  And she wasn't afraid to tell me that, even though the thought terrified me.  But from that point on, the first time she showed that confidence in me, the first time she encouraged me in that way, I was in awe of her.  So much of her ministry has been an inspiration to me.  She had this deep dedication and drive in her work.  I could tell that she really loved what she did, much more than a job, a vocation.  It made me grow into a woman knowing two things: One: I could do and be anything I wanted to be in this world, including a minister.  Two: Whatever I did in life, I needed to love it, I would need to utilize my gifts, otherwise I would never be happy. When I told them I felt called to ministry, it was like telling them I like french fries.  They already knew.  They had helped raise me in the faith, they knew me, they knew God was at work in me.   When nothing else in this crazy world makes sense today, I know this: that she was happy and blessed.   

Aimee's compassion is something that I strive to match (I am nowhere close).  When I think of Micah 6:8 Aimee comes to mind as a shinning example of what it means to "do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with God."   Aside from my own mother, Aimee has been the single most influential woman in my life, mostly in the example she set for me of how she lived.  I am amazed by her work with Asheville Youth Mission, and of course Bill's too.  That they, as partners in all things, took this leap of faith to start a ministry from the ground up, one that was deeply important to them, being hands on in the community...it was brave, it was inspiring. It was, as I think Bill would say, "a God thang."   She taught me about compassion.  She taught me about justice. She taught me about hope. 

So today, as I am submersed in sadness; I try to think about the way she lived, rather than the fact that she is gone.  I continue to wait for the pastoral voice in my head to turn on and remind me of all the things I've been taught, all of the things I know to say to others in their time of grief.  I remember Aimee's voice telling me, "It is okay to ask God tough questions, it is okay to wail against God because you are angry or you are sad." But mostly I try to fill the hole in my heart, like this blank page, with thoughts of someone amazing, someone I am honored to know and love.