I've been thinking a lot about a young girl in our area this week, her name is Sunnie, she is 8 years old. Sunnie has made the local news because a private Christian school has informed her grandparents who care for her that they do not wish her to enroll in the school for the fall. The letter that I have seen references Sunnie's appearance and behavior as being a source of difficulty in the school as some of her peers don't know whether she is a boy or a girl. The implications that have come from this are that Sunnie's short hair cut, desire to wear jeans and t-shirts, all while playing outside with no fear of getting dirty; have lead some people to believe that she is confused about her own gender identity.
If you would like to hear the initial story, see the letter, or explore more about the school's policies you can look here.
http://www.wset.com/story/25061872/little-girl-taken-out-of-christian-school-after-told-shes-too-much-like-a-boy#.UzEHPsSx7ew.facebook
http://ftpcontent.worldnow.com/wset/SKMBT_60114032514080.pdf
tcs4u.org
It seems to me that due to these disruptions and distractions, the school officials feel that Sunnie would thrive in a different educational setting. I would imagine that if such comments were being made to Sunnie at school it was hurtful to her. I would hope that if students were picking on her the teachers and staff would not have tolerated such behavior. The letter reads in such a way that it appears school leaders were trying to show some mode of compassion, stating love for her. I was not present so it is really a waste of time to speculate. While I may not agree with this particular choice made by the school, I have also heard good things about the institution, such as the willingness to take in troubled students with various degrees of personal and social struggles when other schools have turned them away. There are two sides to every coin. Is this school behaving in a "Christian" way? According to the school's bylaws and stated theology they are. And that is what really gets us (me) as Christians into a tizzy, because the Bible is being interpreted by many people in many different ways. We will not always agree. Sorry, that is the truth. So we all have an agenda, right? Let's be honest about that.
We also don't know anything about Sunnie's family or home life except that she is being raised by her grandparents, who obviously value her education as she was attending a private school (please note this does not mean sending her to public school implies they don't value her education, I am an advocate for GOOD public education). Again, to speculate all of the details behind this one story that is making waves across the state and likely nationally, would be a waste of time.
Something that sticks out to me is that Sunnie was not the least bit protected from the judgmental, preconceived notions about what our society and culture deems as "acceptable behavior and appearance" by being placed in a private Christian school. It sounds to me as though she was likely being treated by her peers in the same manner as she would have been in a public school if she were seen as "different" from the other kids. What makes it worse for us as outsiders looking in is that this is supposed to be a "Christian" school. But, as I said above, professing to be a Christian takes on varying degrees of nuance.
The real issue in my mind is that our society has spiraled down into this dark pit where individual expression and identity is acceptable...but only if it looks like XYZ. There are no exemptions from this reality, religious or otherwise. The stereotypes that are created for men and women as adults (which are also abhorrent to me) have trickled down.... no, fallen as a torrential downpour onto our children who are helpless to fully understand it or stop it! I'm sorry adults but where do you think kids get these ideas from? Hello, it is learned! Children see and hear us being judgmental of people who are homeless or living in poverty. Children see and hear us disrespecting one another because of our political views or our religious beliefs. Children see and hear us drawing lines in the sand because of the stereotypes of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Even if TCA felt in their hearts they were doing the most Christian and compassionate thing for Sunnie; if you think that letter did not send a clear message of disapproval to her, her peers, and her friends, you are mistaken. In that decision Sunnie's belief in herself has been tested, because now she has to wonder why people think she is different and why does it matter? She is 8 years old, all she should worry about is what is in her lunchbox and what games she is going to play with her friends after school.
And we could blame the media and entertainment industry for so many things. We put so much stock into what we see being portrayed in television and film. We could blame the media for sensationalizing stories like Sunnie's without giving us all of the facts. We could blame them for the "war on Christianity" because so often we are depicted as judgmental, prejudiced, uneducated hypocrites. But, these industries are made up of people, adults who are no better or worse than any other people in our broken humanity.We are all at one point or another guilty of being judgmental, prejudiced, uneducated hypocrites (whether we are Christian or not). Again, we are all adults who are supposed to be raising the next generation. And we keep turning on the television! We keep turning on the news and becoming either incensed at the injustices we see all over the world (sometimes seeing ourselves as the victims) or we become desensitized to the point that we think all of this is normal and we have no part to play. Like Pontius Pilate we often wash our hands of it because that is easier than accepting our own responsibility.
If you don't like the way the world is portraying your faith, do something about it! If you don't like the way that people are treating others, do something about it! Start with yourself: what prejudices and biases do you have? In what ways can you do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with God? I take that challenge from Micah very seriously. If every person believed in themselves enough change the world, we could do it one encounter at a time.
I thank God every day that I grew up being nurtured and loved by people who taught me that I could be anyone and do anything my heart desired. It was okay when I went through a phase where I didn't want frills and lace on my dresses. It was okay that I didn't carry a purse until college. It was okay when I decided to enter into a vocation that is viewed as predominantly male. It is okay that I don't wear make-up, dye my hair, or paint my nails before I go to the grocery store.
I have a cousin who is in middle school. She is tall and beautiful. I remember when she was a little girl she liked to play outside and catch bugs and frogs. She plays volleyball and she is a Girl Scout. Katniss Everdeen is a literary hero for her. She wears multiple bracelets on her arms and seems to be most comfortable in jeans and t-shirts. She is sweet and kind. I don't think my family ever misses an opportunity to tell her how we love her, how proud we are of her. At least I hope we don't! God forbid anyone ever tell that girl in my presence that she isn't perfect the way she is, that she isn't loved by God.
This summer we are going to have a son. It makes me sad that the world described above is the world he will be born into. But what kind of mother, what kind of parents would Michael and I be if we didn't try our best to leave the world in better shape than we found it? I want my boy and all people, young and old to know this:
You are created in the image of God: a God who is merciful, loving and just. God knew you before you were born and God loves you. Take this knowledge to heart and love yourself, believe in becoming the very best person that you can be. We live in a broken world, we are broken people. We do and say things that are harmful to others. But Jesus teaches us to love God and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Loving your neighbor means accepting them, including their flaws because we all have them. Loving your neighbor means showing respect, learning to agree to disagree. God wasn't satisfied to leave us in our brokenness, that is why God sent Christ to us, to bring us grace, to shower us with love. So, God calls us into community, to work together to bring God's kingdom into the here and now. It is because of that call that we should work for justice and equality. It is because of that call that we strive to make the world a safe space for anyone and everyone.
I find hope and it gives me rest
I find hope in a beating chest
I find hope in what eyes don't see
I find hope in your hate for me
Have no fear when the waters rise
We can conquer this great divide
--Hanson--
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