Musings from a Pastor, Educator, Wife, and Mother





Wednesday, July 20, 2016

A Mother's Prayer

"Thanks to your hidden providence, O my God, your hands did not let go of my soul."--St. Augustine

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."--Jeremiah 1:5

In July of 2002 my parents were hit by a drunk driver which caused my mother to suffer severe injuries.  While my mother lay in a hospital bed (at Roanoke Memorial) recovering from her deflated lungs and broken pelvis, experiencing the baby steps of which can only truly be understood when in full walking rehabilitation, she remained remarkably upbeat and faithful to the Lord, while I drew further away from the God which I no longer understood.  I questioned God's motive in our lives.  Why in the world would this happen to my family?  While I was thankful that my parents were alive and my mother remained so positive, I could not help but wonder why this was allowed to happen in the first place? What purpose did this serve?  Furthermore, how in the world was she not as angry and frustrated as I was?

There is something you need to understand; my mother could do laps around me before all of this happened; she was quick and sharp and witty.  Now her vision was impaired, her breathing was weak, and she had no appetite to speak of.  Despite all of her physical challenges and her mind's fogginess due to strong medications she rejoiced in the tiny miracles she experienced.  This included her going to the bathroom on her own and walking to the end of the hall and back without feeling dizzy from lack of air filling her scarred lungs. 

During her time of rehabilitation (at Lynchburg General), which I refer to as her "superwoman" days, she took her first Communion since the accident.  It was a fall afternoon.  Our pastor, Rev. Gaston, brought with him a female ruling elder from our congregation who had been through much of what my mother had gone through. When the elder was a teenager; she had been left mostly blind due to an accident.  My mother was so frightened by the double vision that she was experiencing, but this kind woman brought her a sense of God's peace, that everything would work out according to God's plan.  I can now look back on this through my own lens as a pastor and see how carefully and compassionately planned this encounter was by our wonderful minister and friend. 

My mother told me later that she prayed to God that evening in fervor.  She said to the Lord that she was not strong enough to live like Abraham, to be willing to sacrifice her child to God.  However,she realized that she was merely a vessel and that I was God's child.  She told the Lord that she would give me over to God and prayed that God would use me as God's instrument in the world.

A year later I told my parents that I felt called to Seminary.  So much healing happened for our family in that time, both physical and spiritual.  My mother's unwavering faith in God's grace and mercy was a driving force in my understanding of God's work in our lives.  It was her utter humility and forgiveness regarding the events that had passed in our lives that humbled me and returned me to my faith in God's providence.  What once seemed a tragic and terrifying time in my life is now revealed to be the actions of God's unseen hand, calling a seemingly unlikely candidate, to a seemingly unlikely ministry. 

My mom still has "superwoman days." She made a great recovery. And while some of the injuries she sustained still impact her health in other ways, she can once again run laps, this time chasing her grandson. A few days ago my mother posted on Facebook about the 14th anniversary of the day God gave her and my father a second chance at life.  And how thankful she was to witness my graduation from college, my marriage, my ordination, and the birth of her grandson who is an every day joy  It is we who are the lucky ones.  Myself, my husband, my sweet son, our extended family and everyone who knows them.  Because to know them is to be known and be loved not only by them but by our God as well. 

God is good.

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