Stories To Tell: Part XII

The Call

Some of you may be wondering when I am going to tell you about Michael--our meeting, our marriage, and our Kemper.  Rest assured, I am saving the best for last....even though now the story may be a little bit out of order.  Just know that Michael has been the prominent force in my life for fourteen years, so he is the thread that runs from Hollins to the present.  

As I may have said before, I went to Hollins for the Creative Writing program.  I like to tell people that I wanted to be a famous writer and show up on Oprah's book club, tour the country and be named poet laureate.  But it wasn't long before I felt at odds with this choice.  The program at Hollins is excellent, but writing on demand to turn in something creatively for critique each week became difficult for me.  It seemed to stifle me.  I also felt out of place among the other writing students. The ones who were majors in the subject like myself (for the most part) wrote of drastically different subject matters than I did.  We generally did not run in the same circles of friends.  Many of them wrote of dark, depressing things.  I could truly see them in a dark brick basement, sitting on a stool before a microphone while people snapped fingers and cigarette smoke lingered in the air.  They were all really good writers...but it left me feeling like I was....maybe...not.  

So in the fall of my Sophomore year I had to declare my major and minor.  What did I want to do? Who was I going to be?  What did I love to do enough to follow it to a career?  The answer came to me while sitting on the front porch of Main.  I loved the church. I loved to be a part of the creative nature of worship.  And I was transformed by youth group, so maybe youth ministry was where I could use the gifts God had given me.  My calling was not a lightening rod moment. It did not come to me in a vision or a dream.  But it did come in a moment of calm and clarity.  And I remembered my youth leaders telling me in high school that I should go to seminary and being in complete opposition to it. There was no way I was learning Biblical languages just so I could sit in boring session meetings all day.  So, for this to all come to me in such a definitive way was surprising.  I stuck with English/Creative Writing as my major and declared Religious studies as my minor. I secured a short term internship in youth ministry from my home church and I started scoping out seminaries, just to get an idea.  

I told my parents of this line of thinking and they were overwhelmingly supportive. I went to my pastor Joseph  ( who was moving to a new church pretty soon after that) and he cried tears of joy with us. I told Michael and he said, "yeah I figured."  As most of you probably know, Michael's dad is a Methodist minister so I always tell folks that for him to stick by me through all of this, knowing full well what he was getting into is a miracle.  Michael's parents have also been among my greatest supporters and mentors.  In the spring of that year, Michael and I went to Asheville and Montreat to visit, so that I could tell Bill and Aimee Buchanan, my former youth leaders, of my intentions.  It was like telling them that I loved french fries--they already knew! It seems like everyone around me saw what was inside except for me.  It is a great affirmation, but also kind of scary! 

I decided I wanted a dual degree--to get a Masters of Divinity and be ordained and also to have a Masters in Christian Education.  I visited Union in Richmond, and much like Hollins, I didn't feel a need to look elsewhere.  It seemed like the right fit for me.  Michael was living in Charlottesville at the time so location was a great factor as well.  I didn't want to be far from him or my family.  I was looking at four years straight of seminary education.  I plowed through.  I graduated Hollins in May of 2006 and began Seminary in July. 

Seminary

Seminary is a special place.  Taking a summer crash course in Biblical languages has a way of bringing people together.  You quickly form bonds and learn to lean on one another to make it through. Seminary is this little bubble of its own. It's just a unique community when you are all coming together from different backgrounds and worshiping together, studying together, asking hard questions, living in close quarters and having a social life at the same time.  And ultimately, in the end--you are all competing (like it or not) for the same jobs!  While in seminary, you work on two timelines--you have requirements for your school and degrees that include internships, coursework, and ordination exams.  But you also have a timeline with your presbytery.  You have to go yearly for consultations and achieve certain things before they give you approval to be ready to receive a call.  I am really glad that I can say that I did all of that in Presbytery of the Peaks and had a positive experience.  I now serve on that same committee as a pastor.  Fun side note, Kitty Mortara was on the committee when I was a student! Dusty Fiedler was on the examinations committee when I came forward for ordination.  

I met wonderful folks at the seminary.  Friends and colleagues who have taught me so much.  People that I have shared meals with and celebrated weddings, ordinations, birthdays, and children with. One of my dearest friends, Crystal, is a lifelong Richmonder.  She began serving as youth director at Three Chopt Presbyterian and she said she needed youth advisors and asked if I'd like to visit sometime.  This is probably the greatest invitation I have ever had.  Three Chopt was the perfect church home for me.  I did serve as an advisor, and I was the student intern for one year, and finally an interim youth director before my call to Appomattox. The congregation and pastors there were loving and supportive.  It's a great church for seminary students.   Now those teens are all grown up but I get to watch from afar and be so proud of them.  This gave me a church family and roots in the big city. 

My life was different from a lot of my friends in several ways.  Michael and I got married after my first year of school and there were not many married students my age.  We lived in a teeny-tiny campus apartment....and then moved across the hall to a wee bit less tiny of an apartment. :)  Michael worked at Cokesbury in Richmond while we lived there so I got a deal on text books and lots of sale items.  Thank you, Michael!  To be newlyweds while in seminary is not ideal, for downtime is precious little. But, we knew we wanted to be married. And Michael decided he didn't ever want to have another roommate, except for me.  We did not honeymoon until after I finished Greek school. We went to our favorite little motor lodge in the Outer Banks. We would occasionally go out to PF Changs for a date night (miss those lettuce wraps).  Michael would buy me rainbow cookies from Ukrops.  We roasted with a little window AC unit in the summers.  Our bathroom was the size of a crackerjack box. But, it was home.  

When I wasn't in class or at Three Chopt Presbyterian, I was working.  Most students did not work in seminary. It was said that more than ten hours a week could not be done.  It can be, trust me.  Probably the single greatest surprise and gift of my time in Richmond was working at Saxon Shoes.  I first got a job at Target but I hated it.  A college friend, Kate-Sears was living in the area too and she worked as a cashier and told me to apply at Saxon's.  I thought Gary, the owner, would hire me as a cashier.  Instead he told me I would be selling children's shoes...and not to worry, they would teach me.  This is probably the only place in the world where a student like myself could create their own work schedule. I did learn how to do the job and did it well.  I worked there for almost four years and by the end I was often the person left in charge of the department to close at night.  I met the most wonderful people.  I made the sweetest friends.  The women in that department became like family to me. When I had to do a summer internship, they allowed me the flexibility. When I was preparing to interview for jobs and move away, they gave me that time. They threw me a shower before my wedding.  They came to my graduation. They have visited me and sent cards and letters.  I took Kemper back there for his first pair of shoes. I could not have asked for a better community.   There are certainly days in the ministry where I think, "maybe I'll just go back and fit shoes."

I've been so blessed by the people God has placed around me.  Pastors that have nurtured me in the faith who I can call and say, "how would you handle this?"  Friends and colleagues who I can call and say, "what curriculum are you using, how is your session structured, what did you do for that first funeral?"  And friends I can call and say, "Do you remember that time when Peter put on the tiny t-shirt?" or "I'm eating french fries and thinking of you, Asian Priestess." or simply, "Do you remember Calvin Ball, or sketchy mustache night, or that one time at Whitby." And they get it.  You share a special bond because of a few years of time in your life.  And I for one am glad that they Presbyterian world is, in fact, very small when you get to know it.  

Stories To Tell: Part XI

The Hollins Years

As I said last week, I think I moved into Hollins University on the hottest day of summer in 2002.  I moved into a dorm with no AC called Randolph.  As an incoming student when you looked at the first-year dorm Randolph, compared to the other first-year dorm, Tinker, you thought you were getting gypped.  But, those assumptions could not have been further from the truth.  I would take Randolph with a hot room with big windows facing toward the pretty exterior of Tinker than the other way around any day! 

Our first week of school we had a day when the internet was completely down. For the first few minutes it seemed like a crisis of epic proportions--but in truth it was the best thing that could have happened to the girls on the second floor of Randolph--Randy 2 as it is lovingly known. We had little connection to the outside world and we were forced to get to know one another and bond together. We spent our time out in the hallway talking and having a dance party in which I think boa's were involved.  Our RA didn't last too long after that and I always wondered if we had scared her away.

I loved my freshman hall.  These girls in large part became my sisters.  We would all traipse across the quad to the dining hall together for dinner and sit at the same table.  We would pile into one another's rooms to watch the latest episodes of whatever shows we loved. I particularly remember Friends and The Bachelor.  We made cakes or cupcakes for everyone's birthdays.  My friend Sarah drove me to the hospital to see my mom when my car wouldn't start.  Jennifer and I survived our first January term in an English class together which bonded us together as "Tater" and "Poo Poo Head" forever.  I would not have passed Spanish (or life) without Meagan.  I would not have met Michael without Holly.  I would never understand how to appropriately pronounce "Knoxvull" without Katherine, "Katty".  I've never met someone so witty with words as Corinne.  My friend Kayte that I met at Hollinsummer lived two doors down.  A lot of us traded roommates and switched rooms throughout the year, but in truth no one really wanted to leave the hall so we made it work.

Study Abroad

I became an RA for my last three years at Hollins. I really loved the community that it provided for me and the involvement on campus.  I worked for excellent staff on campus in residence life and I learned a lot of skills that serve me well today. But, for the spring of my Junior year, I went abroad to study in London for about 3.5 months.  By that time I had been dating Michael for a year or so and it was really hard to leave him behind but I just knew that this is one of the dreams I had for my college experience and I am so glad my parents helped make that happen.  We all lived with host families in an area of London called Muswell Hill.  Some of us had positive experiences with this and others not so great.  But, mine and Katherine's host family, The Skinner's, were the absolute best! I could not have asked for better people to open their home to us and bring us into their lives.  Their three children were young--a teen and two elementary age kids--now all grown! We were always welcomed at their table and (bravely) into their kitchen to make American biscuits.  They had this precious cat who we  were told would probably steer clear of us.  Little did they know how much Katherine and I love cats.  Harry became our constant companion.  He slept on our beds, drank water from our sink, and ate peanut butter from a spoon. 

Our classes were created for us to experience as much of the city of London and culture as possible.  The schedule was designed for us to be able to have time to travel and explore.  I took Theatre, History, Architecture and British Media.  We went to plays and visited museums and historical buildings regularly.  On weekends and longer holidays we went on excursions around Europe.  I felt like this might be my only chance to go abroad so almost every weekend I went somewhere different.  One of our first trips taken with my closest friends was to Edinburgh, Scotland.  Scottish people are so friendly! On the train we met our dear friend Alec.  Alec was quite annoyed with these four loud American girls on the train and we were annoyed with him because he would not give up his prime seat at a table where we could have all sat together! By the end of the trip we had discovered his love for pop music (Britney Spears) and the rest is history.  We have remained friends with Alec and even got to spend a weekend with his lovely family in Torquay before we returned to the states for his 30th birthday!  Gee, Alec that puts you at what age now?.... :P.  He has come to visit us here in the US as well. 

In larger groups we traveled to Ireland where I almost died horseback riding (another story for another day), and the Canary Islands for our spring break.  I got to travel with each of my closest friends on trips individually.  Meagan and I went to Prague where we landed late at night and suddenly felt very American and out of place.  We went on a ghost tour and tried too much Absinthe.  Jennifer and I met my aunt and uncle in Paris for a weekend in April where it was still so cold we layered all the clothes we had and saw snow at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I got to visit the Palace of Versailles which was a great dream of mine.  Katherine and I went to stay with her family friend in Florence--so beautiful! Seeing the Duomo was definitely on my bucketlist.  We also saw Rome in a day and I was blessed by a Catholic priest in the Sistine Chapel.

We saw crazy things in London riding the Tube and the double decker buses.  We met Joshua Jackson and Patrick Stewart after a play one night.  We celebrated birthdays in the Church Pub down the street (yes, a real pub in a former church, beautiful place). We found the restaurants that served sodas with ice. By the time we left we could pick out the tourists from the locals.  I was so glad to come home but I was much more sad to leave my host family than I ever imagined I could be.  It was a special season of life. 

Hollins Traditions

I could spend a lot of time teaching you about the Hollins traditions of First Step (you are not allowed to walk on the grass of front quad until you are a senior), Tinker Day (crazy costume hiking day), Ring Night (Juniors "earn" their class rings by taking orders from Seniors all weekend and doing silly things), and of course graduation.  Seniors are given four champagne bottles (usually at Ring Night) decorated by their Ring Sisters to celebrate the grand occasions of senior year.  I could regale you with fond memories of birthday parties, formals, and memories of these grand traditions.  But truthfully, my fondest memories are made up of lazy afternoons in January watching movies and eating Jennifer's famous cheese dip.  My favorite times were the ones when we sat at the dinner table in the dining hall until they were ready to turn off the lights. When Nikki would make artwork with her leftover food and Katherine would play "Fishin' In The Dark"  or "Sweet Home Alabama" on the jukebox.  The treasured moments are the ones sitting on the steps of West recounting the stresses of the day with Meagan. 

These are the women (not even all of them) whose friendships would sustain me through college and all of the years since.  We've celebrated moves, graduate degrees, jobs, weddings, and babies.  We've grieved the loss of grandparents, loved ones, jobs, relationships, and all manner of life's changes.  I said just the other day how I wish we could be living back in Randy 2, where our friends were only a few steps away.  I have friends that would tell you my degree from Hollins was not in English but in Crafting.  My parents might tell you the most practical thing I learned was how to put salt on a napkin to keep the glass from sticking.  But what I gained the most is that which cannot be given a price--the community to which I can always return, and always be myself. 

Stories To Tell: Part X

Early 2000's

The millennium turned in the blink of an eye and the world did not come to a crashing halt.  I did well in high school. I think my experience would be considered average for a teenager.  I had a lot of friends from different grades and classes.  My home became the central place for everyone to gather.  I don't know how this happened except to say that my parents were always welcoming and always had food in the cabinets.  We also lived centrally, right outside of the town so our house was easily accessible and big enough to hold everyone.  As an only child I never felt alone because my friends were always welcome in the house.  It was a difficult adjustment, especially for my mom when all  of her kids left the nest and were not coming over anymore.  I was in the National Honor's Society, I participated in theatre and chorus as my elective classes.  I was the manager for the boys Varsity Soccer team with several friends all four years of high school.  I spent my free time socializing at sporting events or going to movies and shopping in Roanoke or Lynchburg.  I had boyfriends--some who were great, others not so great--typical teenager stuff.   I never partied in high school, I was not exposed to drugs in a direct way, nor alcohol until I had graduated.  This is not to say that it wasn't around or that some of my friends did not experiment with these things as we got older, but I had no desire to be involved with those activities.  My life was full and wonderful.  I was so blessed to be in a healthy environment and I am certain that I often took that for granted.   

I believe it was either my sophomore or junior year of high school that I was introduced to Hollins University.  The Wyndham Robertson Library had just been built and on a trip to visit my Grandma Becky in Salem we drove by Hollins because Dad wanted to see it.  I saw the campus from just over the hill of the library and I was instantly enchanted.  Then I was told that Hollins has one of the best creative writing programs in the nation and my longing to attend was solidified.  I loved to write, one of my favorite activities was to write poetry and was heavily involved in writing skits and things for Youth Sundays at church.  I asked my parents timidly if it was very expensive to go to Hollins and I was told that it was indeed.  But, I recall my Dad saying after a time that if Hollins was really where I wanted to go, they would get me there.  I was able to attend Hollinsummer-- an awesome program which was really just taking shape back then.  I did the creative writing program-a two weeks summer intensive program.  I met one of my favorite people there; little did I know that Kayte Neas Geise would become a lifelong friend in college.   Oh yes, I very much did want to be at Hollins University.  

The summer before my senior year at Liberty High School I visited many colleges.  No need to put all of our eggs in one basket.  I visited many Presbyterian schools--Presbyterian College, Warren Wilson, St. Andrew's, and Montreat College. I also visited Appalachian State several times and UNC Asheville.  Funny now to think that I have some good friends who did attend these great schools.  But they just were not for me.  I came back from the North Carolina tour and visited Longwood, Sweet Briar, and Roanoke College.  Again, great schools but nothing held a candle to Hollins.  I applied early admission to Hollins University and got accepted in October of 2001.  I never applied anywhere else and I never looked back.  

The Accident

The summer of 2002 finally came.  In fact, I probably thought that it had dragged on as an 18 year old, but my high school graduation came and went in a flash.  My family summer was mapped out. I went to Senior Beach week with my girlfriends right after graduation.  Mom and I had two trips to Montreat; the Worship & Music Conference and the Youth Conference (my last one and Mom was a chaperone).  After those trips we would have a month or so to get ready for my move to Hollins.  Mom was a great planner so I was not stressed about any of this really.  I was just ready to spend as much time as possible with my friends and boyfriend before we all went our separate ways.  

The first half of summer was great-filled with adventures.  When we came back from youth conference our cousins from Texas were in town, staying in Salem so we had plans for a big family get together for dinner.  It was mid-July, dry and hot as I can remember.  It was a Saturday and Mom was cleaning house.  My room looked like a tornado and had cleared a path from my door, two feet to my bed and that was it.  But, I had no interest in cleaning, neither did Dad....so we made ourselves scarce as was our typical behavior (sorry, Mom).  I had finally gotten my housing assignment for college and desperately wanted to see where I was living (Shout Out, Randy 2!).  My boyfriend, Andrew, and I headed off to Roanoke early so that we could check out the campus before dinner with my family.  The evening, what I can remember of it was a fun one.  My cousins from Texas are dear to us and we rarely saw them at the time so it was a special treat.  Having two separate cars, my boyfriend and I returned to Bedford early, leaving my parents visiting with family longer.  

My parents were driving through an intersection in Roanoke, having been given a green light.  They never saw the drunk driver coming.  He plowed into the passenger side of the car where my mother sat.  Thank God for seat belts and airbags for both of them.  I thank God also that a rescue squad was located right around the corner and there was a cop on the other side of the road across the intersection.  What a miracle in itself.  The jaws of life were brought to extract mom from the car--her seat now a fourth of it's original size.  Dad had a few lacerations, his blood pressure was high-how could it not be.  Mom retained two collapsed lungs, shattered ribs, a broken pelvis, and mild brain damage.  I got a call from Dad--he'd rang a million times before I heard the phone, I'd been outside stargazing.  He told me there had been an accident--he didn't know--mom was bad--I better come--"don't come alone" he had said.  My boyfriend didn't hesitate to drive me to Roanoke.  Can you imagine?  Can you imagine being a seventeen-year-old boy driving your eighteen-year-old girlfriend to a hospital late at night and having no idea what news you would find upon arriving?   He was brave and supportive.  I will never forget it.  

When we arrived at the hospital I was met at the door by a hospital chaplain.  I learned in that instance what not to do for pastoral care.  His first words to me were, "we need to talk" and I told him I was not going to talk to anyone until he took me to my father.  Dad was in a holding bay in the emergency room. We were waiting to hear news of Mom, he knew nothing at all really.  Our pastor, Joseph Gaston and his wife Karen came to be with us.  They, and boyfriend Andrew stayed with us all night.  It was hours before we got to see her.  She was not herself.  Hooked to all manner of machines, in a coma and extremely critical.  We went to my grandma's house in the wee hours of the morning to sleep and I just remember laying on the fold-out couch praying, "Lord, don't take her from me."  

In the days and weeks following we were surrounded by love and kindness.  Pastors and church friends called and visited daily.  Neighbors brought food measured in pounds, both to grandma's house and back to our house once we started sleeping at home.  My friends were all there, someone almost every day.  One night a dozen of them came and got me, took me back to Bedford, and had a movie night with me. She was their Mom too. Daily, I would go to Mom's bedside and talk or sing to her.  The nurses were extremely kind and patient to explain things to me. You know that sucking sound a ventilator makes--I'll never forget it. The beeps and bells and green squiggly-lined monitors. I'll never forget it. I made her two binders filled with the cards and letters she received. I wanted her to be able to read them all when she woke up. Hundreds of them, I'd guess.  Mom's work friends were amazing.  They brought us groceries and her doctor co-workers would stroll into the ICU and get medical updates then translate them for me! Time marched on for Dad and I, even though for Mom it stood still.  While she lay unconscious, medically induced so she could heal-she got pneumonia and MRSA--Dad went back to work and I had to get ready for college.  When we couldn't get to the account with my college funds in it without Mom's signature, a friend of hers offered to pay my semester's tuition, but the man at the bank bent the rules for us.   My best friend Whitney and her mom took me shopping for college. When I over-drafted my bank account buying college gear, my uncle footed the bill (I was too scared to tell Dad).   Dad, Andrew, and a neighbor, Earl Agee, moved me into Hollins.  It was probably the hottest day of summer.  

For weeks this went on.  Was it 6 or 8? Hard for me to remember now. I entered her room one day and it was eerily quiet.  Something was different...what was it?  Oh my god.  The ventilator was gone.  She was breathing on her own!  This should have been really exciting to me, and it was, but in a sense it was also terrifying--what if she couldn't do it on her own?  One afternoon, a few weeks into my first year at Hollins, Dad called.  Mom was awake.  She had been weened off the medication and had woken in the middle of the night asking for him. What a reunion that was for me to see her awake and speaking to us!  She was confused for a long time and didn't remember anything from our summer- months had been wiped away and missed.  To trade those few months for the rest of her life was absolutely worth it--and eventually memories came back.  Eventually, she went back to Lynchburg for rehabilitation.  I was sad she was not as close by anymore but she went to the right place.  The day she came home--mid-October, right at my birthday, friends "flocked" our yard--dozens and dozens of pink flamingos flocked us! Friends of mine from High School and College sent her messages for a big card to welcome her back.  There has never been a sweeter homecoming.  

Later on, Mom said that she wasn't angry and that she'd forgiven the man who hit them while driving intoxicated.  She said everyone makes mistakes.  I held anger for a long time.  You see, this man, had he not plead guilty, could have gotten off free.  Because the officer on the scene thought my mom would die.  He thought he could charge this man with manslaughter.  And because he was going on vacation the next day, he didn't do all the paperwork right, and he didn't get a BAC level recorded.   The laws and requirements have changed a lot since then, they are much more strict and I am so thankful for that.  No family should ever have to experience such hardships--or even worse! 

 I have to thank God for the angels watching over my parents that night, and for each day they have guarded us since.  See, another family miracle.