He always wore a coat and tie on Sundays. He often served as an usher in worship. He would sit on a weathered couch under the high windows in the youth room of Bedford Presbyterian, and he would ponder what we teenagers said and begin his response, "Well, you know...." He always had a grand smile and a hearty laugh. Three of his little paintings depicting family farm life hang in my bedroom. I didn't know he was artistic until I was an adult. Humble. Compassionate. That was Bob.
We lost my friend Bob after a fight with prostate cancer this week. I didn't know. I knew he had been struggling with some illness. But this, I didn't know. That was their choice, Bob and Jo (his beloved wife), their private choice not to tell me, to tell many of this battle. Perhaps I am thankful, selfishly, because I can remember him as the man he always was to me, rather than being defined by the disease that took him from us.
You have to consider Bob and Jo as a unit... they are one word, coined by our sweet friend Elli, long ago as a child...BobnJo. There has never been a time where they have stood in my mind as anything but an unquestionable entity like peanut butter and jelly. Timeless and constant; and utterly delightful. Of course, individuals with their own interests, talents, friendships--but always fitting together.
Along with a few other adults in my home church, Bob and Jo had a profound impact on my faith as an adolescent. Jo was my representative from session on the sunlit morning I was baptized at 15 years old. Bob was my Sunday School teacher. I know I am not alone in the feeling that he was amazing. He took the time to know all of us, to listen to the highlights and the struggles of our lives. He was present for our Youth Sundays, our sporting events, our graduations. Later on, he celebrated with us our weddings, our ordinations, our promotions, our children.
Now, it's my job to provide quality Christian Education for all ages in my congregation. I would not have gone down the path I have been on in ministry if not for Bob's presence in my life. I think nothing is more fitting than sharing how he impacted me through his role (just one of many hats) as my Sunday School teacher.
1) Be present in the life of the young people in church. There were a million other things Bob Carson could have been doing on Sunday morning. He chose to be with a room full of loving (but loud) teenagers, sitting on rejected couches and plying us with donuts. Sometimes he would sit back and just observe us, listening to our banter. Whenever he leaned forward, folded hands, arms resting on his knees, I knew he was ready to rein us in. He was always there. I don't remember having curriculum books although I am sure Bob did. I do remember passing out Bibles with red letters and reading verses around the room. He was a constant for us, for years. He taught me that you don't have to have teenagers still living at home to be part of a youth ministry. He taught me that a life of work also required a life of play ( I would often see he and Jo walking the loop in Bedford together--well Jo was running)! And he taught me that both of these were nothing without walking in faith. All that, just by being present on Sunday mornings!
2) Ask the question. Bob was adamant that if we had questions about
anything he wanted to hear them. And if he didn't have the answer, he would go home and research and come back to us with something. There were no questions too minor for Bob when it came to our faith formation. And by this model we quickly came to respect each other around the room--even if some of us were freshmen and others seniors. As a teenager who had grown up going to church
some as a child, I had not yet been through confirmation when I came to his class. I was the new kid on the block at the church and he instantly made me feel like I had a place there. His first lesson to me was, it's good to ask questions, otherwise we never grow. As adults, we often think that in order to be a spiritual force in the lives of our congregation, whether teaching children, youth or adults; we have to know the Bible inside and out--we have to have all the answers at the ready. This isn't the case. A loving presence and a willingness to welcome the learner into a relationship in which they feel safe exploring questions and thinking through their faith--those are the only tools necessary.
3) Understanding other religions is important. There was at least one year where we had lessons about major world religions. I remember Bob saying one morning, "what would you all like to learn about next? We haven't talked about other religions in a few years, would that be interesting?" These conversations did several things--one we are all on new ground so asking the question was no longer so daunting. Two, we learned at a young age that the world was much broader than our small town would suggest. We learned to respect other cultures and religions. Three, and maybe I should speak for myself, it did not make me lose my own faith, but come to understand what was different about following Christ and why it was important to me. It caused me to think theologically and make my own statement of faith. This is why you will always hear me say that World Religions is an important part of any confirmation class.
4) Share your life so that others my see God at work. Bob and Jo were not just people we saw on Sunday mornings. They were engaged in the community. There were times in which they invited us into their home. They were our parents' friends. They were our friends. As Seniors, a rite of passage was to have dinner with Bob and Jo, they would treat us to a nice restaurant. They took us to Montano's in May of 2002. As an adult, it is one of my favorite places to dine. Bob and Jo would ask us about our lives, but they would also share parts of their own lives with us when appropriate. They made us feel welcome and safe. Always.
A few years ago Bob and Jo moved to South Carolina to be closer to family. I was so sad, the end of an era it seemed to me. It seems foolish to think that a person whose life is built on the premise of following a call and moving to serve God would be sad about this. It's not that I don't understand it, but that it is never easy. Another part of the church I called home was changing, and us Presbyterians, well--we don't like change.
Bob and Jo created a lovely home there. We visited and stayed with them several years ago, when we lost another friend, our dear Aimee. Their presence, as always, was a balm to my heart. I am sad that this weekend I will not be there to hug Jo and tell her face to face how dear she is to my heart. I know that our mutual friends will stand by her. I will be there in spirit if not in body. Bob taught me that too, as an adult--friendship can cross all kinds of barriers--age, experience, beliefs, and especially the miles.
God has sent me so, so many people to show me the grace of God and the love of Christ in my life. Bob Carson was a big one.
I miss you already, my dear, dear friend.
I thank the Lord you are at peace. Amen.
